Terrible Song from My Youth: Next - "Too Close"

So, we post a lot songs and things that we like... So, I've decided that one of my recurring segments is to post a song from my youth that is just plain terrible.  To kick things off...

Next - "Too Close"

I'd never watched the video before, but I did for this blog... And I wanna point out that the radio edit didn't start with this epic line..."I wonder if she can tell I'm hard right now."  ...WOW... Why can't she?

I remember this song came out when I was in 8th grade which is funny because at that age, half the kids knew what the song was about and half didn't.   I honestly can't recall which half I was in.  I just remember not getting why people liked this song.  And how did this get approval for the 8th grade Valentine's Dance?

'Cause it's gross.  I'm no prude or anything.  (Hell, after listening to this, I cleansed my pallet with a NIN's "Closer.")   The first comment on the youtube page summed it up perfectly... "This song is about boners."  And, ya know... I'm not saying that all boners are gross... but unwanted boners are pretty terrible.  I'll go on record and say that.  Unwanted boners are terrible.   I think it was F. Scott Fitzgerald that said, "Show me an unwanted boner, and I'll write you a tragedy."  Don't get me wrong.  Like all males, I've had an unwanted boner in my time... but I didn't feel the need to write a song about it.

And one of the motherf*ckers looks like Wayne Brady.  Ya know what isn't sexy?  A skeevy Wayne Brady.  She tells Wayne Brady to step back because she feels "a little (She called it little!) poke coming through... from you."   And then he's all like, "Naw, I'm trying but I can't."  I listen to this song, and I feel like I'm gonna need to make a police report or give my statement or something.