Monday, June 13, 2011

Terrible Song from My Youth: LFO's "Summer Girls"

For today's terrible song from my youth, we go all the way back to 1999...
LFO's "Summer Girls"


Now, late 90s boy band music was good shit. The good stuff... Your N'syncs and your Backstreet Boys... They had professional writers who knew how to write stuff that would stay with you. And the groups featured a collection of performers with talent.

I don't know why LFO was released on us. First, the songwriting is crap.
Half the thoughts don't even go together. They say what they want to say and then throw in something TOTALLY unrelated just because it rhymes. Here, I've diagrammed part of a verse.

You're the best girl that I ever did see,
The great Larry Bird Jersey 33 (WHAT THE FUCK?!)
When you take a sip you buzz like a hornet
Billy Shakespeare wrote a whole bunch of sonnets... (WHAT THE FUCK?!)
Stayed all summer then went back home,
Macauly Culkin wasn't Home Alone (WHAT THE FUCK?!)
Fell deep in love,but now we ain't speaking
Michael J Fox was Alex P Keaton (WHAT THE FUCK?!)
When I met you I said my name was Rich (WHAT THE FUCK?!)
You look like a girl from Abercrombie and Fitch

I... Just... That's... I'm speechless. I'm just speechless. I kinda wanna talk like that in real life. Ya know, say a sentence and then rhyme it (although none of those actually rhymed) with something that makes no sense because I'm incapable of finding a rhyme that does make sense. (Abe Lincoln and G. Washington were a couple of gents.)

What else did the good boy bands have going? (My grass is long, so I better get mowing.) Singing talent. (Seafood salad... I'll stop) Some of the good boy bands had some weird looking dudes, but they could sing. LFO features one white dude rapping badly, and two other guys speaking the brilliant chorus:

New Kids On The block,had a bunch of hits
Chinese food makes me sick. (WHAT THE FUCK?!)

So, were they hired for their looks? Because, as a semi- attractive guy, I'm only threatened by these guys because they seem like they'd date rape the girl I was interested in just to piss me off.

And maybe the song is supposed to be a joke... but the video makes it seem like they really believe in their message... I sure hope the good people at Abercrombie and Fitch took care of these douche nozzles.

To cleanse the pallet...N'sync's Bye Bye Bye

*UPDATE: I was just informed that the lead singer of LFO, Rich Cronin, died of Leukemia last September. So, here's a special dedication to Mr. Cronin. N'sync's "Gone"
**UPDATE: I just realized that "Gone" doesn't really apply to this situation... but man, it's a good song.
***UPDATE: ...I feel like I should put this link up for the Rich Cronin Hope Foundation for Leukemia

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