Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Terrible Song from My Youth - "Escape" by Enrique Iglesias

Jack here with yet another terrible song from my youth.  For this installment, we review Enrique Iglesias's "Escape." 

To be fair... there are worse songs in which the lead singer appears to mercilessly stalk someone.  Really, these terrible songs are my favorite to mock (looking at you, Clay Aiken... But not too close... Okay, not looking at you anymore... Sorry), but this one is overlooked.  Why?  Because it's sung by Latin McDreamypants who we all know is banging the hot tennis player.   My entire review will be about the chorus:

You can run, you can hide
But you can't escape my love
You can run, you can hide
But you can't escape my love

That isn't sweet.  Because, you have to imagine that the "she" he's singing to IS running and IS trying to hide... And he's mocking her attempts to flee.  Rest assured, m'am... you can't escape his "love."  And the words he uses, namely "hide" and "escape"...  One doesn't try to hide from or escape a good thing.  More after the jump.

Really, that's the entire song.  The song has the lyrical variation of techno... Just these same sentences repeated over and over.  You know who repeats things over and over?   The mentally unhinged.  This threatening, menacing thought plays on a loop... over and over in his brain.  I see this single-minded, pursuit ending with someone getting "juiced."  Cause... ya know... Like... OJ Simpson... Just trying a new expression... "Homeboy gonna get juiced, na mean?"  I can see this thought pulsating in his brain... I can see him writing it over and over.. on walls... "YoU caN RUn, yOu cAN HiDE, BUt YoU cAN't EsCAPe mY lOVe."  I can see him cutting it in his arms.

Normal people can't pull ANY of this off.  There's no way in hell that I could ever sing this to someone and have it be interpreted as sweet.  Imagine, a normal person (me or someone more normal because I have that perfect nose thing) randomly calls you up right now and whispers "You can run, you can hide, but you can't escape my love."  You got shivers, right?  But the bad kind.  So what lesson do I get out of this?  Famous, hot people are better than normal people and rules don't apply to them.

As for the video... Hell, I can't really comment on the video because it has nothing to do with the song.  The two aren't running or hiding from each other.  The video is an excuse to show off how he and his girlfriend are hot.  It's an excuse to show all of us how two hot people make out.  Whatever.  Don't get me wrong, I'd totally do the same, but c'mon... Can you imagine how pervy the director had to sound?  "For this shot... use more tongue.  Yes... Kiss her... Good... Good... "  There's a scene where homeboy surprises the girl in the women's bathroom, and everyone decides to just give them privacy because it's romantic (I guess?)... I mean, really?  Does that ever happen?

To cleanse the pallet... Umm... How about something funny?  Did you know that Enrique had his mole removed?   I had a good paragraph dedicated to talking about his mole, so, instead, I give you the best part of Goldmember.

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